Let me introduce myself again. I’m Robert Ogner and for more than three decades I have been enthusiastically helping couples when their relationship hurts. Marriage therapy, couple counseling, couple therapy; Same thing. It’s how your couple therapist works to help your marriage, how he or she understands how couple therapy helps a relationship, and what kind of relationship he or she makes with you as your marriage therapist. My website is designed to be helpful to your relationship right now: “Watch Together” Please look it over together. I also intend this website to give you a beginning sense of who I am and what I think about as a couple therapist.
There might be distance and you continue to withdraw. You’re frustrated and discouraged in your desire for a strong connection and close feeling in your relationship. You feel rejected by the person whose understanding and empathy you need most. It seems like the only way to stop quarreling is to stop talking. You try to provoke some kind of response of caring. This often results in anger and reactivity. This cycle of distress continues to frustrate your deepest wish for tenderness and affection in your relationship. There is too much loneliness. These qualities of emotional pain are the last thing you want for your marriage, for yourself, or for your partner. The need for a strong bond of friendship and belonging with the person who matters most is built right into our DNA. Marriage therapy helps you strengthen the bond in your relationship.
It is not always this bad. However, the milder forms of conflict & dissatisfaction in a marriage can weigh your relationship down and rob of you of your fair measure of happiness and well being. We hope and we try as best we can, sometimes in inspired ways, and things get better for a while. But the nature of couple and marriage relationship trouble is that patterns of relating become established. Marriage therapy helps you team up against those negative patterns of relating. And being a team helps build confidence in your relationship.
A Cycle That Hides Deeper Care and Love
The process and patterns, that we build together in our relationship, confine us. They lead to further emotional reactivity. They prevent trust in the deeper expression of feelings and emotion that bring you closer together. They prevent vulnerability and empathy in your relationship. We keep bumping into those patterns. The same difficulties keep emerging and the feeling between us in our marriage or couple relationship can worsen. It is the most tragic when we begin to see our partner and our relationship, not as refuge, but as something we dread. It is tragic because the need and deep care for each other is often right there, right under the surface. Marriage therapy helps you work together to slow down the cycle so that you can be closer and more yourselves in your relationship. You then have a good chance of re-finding the friendship and belonging in your relationship.
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy
The most effective form of help for couple relationships is Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy. Read about Emotionally Focused Therapy here. I am Certified as an Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist and Supervisor.
At its most basic, all good couple therapy is about learning to recognize those patterns and learning to express the more compelling vulnerable emotions that are at the heart of your marriage and of your attachment to one another.
I will use everything I have learned in my 35 years of specializing in couple therapy to help you and your partner have the happiness you deserve with one another. I want to help.
Thanks for reading,
Robert Ogner, Originally written March 21st, 2009. Updated September 4, 2016.