Couple Relating

Changing The Narrow Window of Your Preconceptions Our perceptions are colored by experience.  Perception becomes preconception. Preconception becomes perception.  (Look at the image.)  When something feels familiar to us we fit it into our expectations rather than look for what … Continued

When I know what I must change in myself I keep my focus on it. When I accept that I am solely responsible for making this change, I resolve to do so. Focus and resolve lead to effort. Of course, … Continued

An important aspect of our emotional lives is the experience of vulnerability. One of the fundamental secrets (not a well kept secret) for relating in ways that bring about warmth, goodwill and intimacy is to be vulnerable with your partner. … Continued

You Add Self-Reflection & New Action To Your Experience We are often thrust into emotional reactivity in the face of frustrating or painful feelings. Our reactivity can have various forms and expressions. We usually realize that our angry flare-ups are … Continued

Listening is hard for everyone , but did you ever wonder why?  Think about it.  When you listen you have to put your feelings, thoughts, and ideas aside.  It means stepping out of the spotlight.  Listening puts your partner front and center.  You follow while … Continued

One of the main things we do in couple therapy is pay attention to the process and patterns in your relationship.  We do this to help open the flow of meaning and of those necessary emotional experiences that need to … Continued

By itself, of course, listening is not enough.  It needs to be paired with empathy.  Listening requires putting yourself aside to be open and receptive.  It takes work: you need to exert some genuine effort to put your partner first.  Like most things, … Continued

Your emotional life is like a compass that can orient you toward meaning and toward deep connection to yourself and to your partner.  Emotional reactivity is like an electromagnetic field that throws off the compass of your emotional and relational life. … Continued

What do we mean when we talk about connection?  Well, we most likely have different things in mind. Also, we may know what it feels like when we are connecting with our partner, but not be so able to describe the … Continued

Couple therapy helps you to feel more freedom to say the difficult things you don’t normally let yourself say.  When you keep your hurt or anger bottled up inside it creates distance between you and your partner. You then have to … Continued